The Enigmatic Life of X’s and Y’s


It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve put it off because, I wanted my words to be significant. In the past few months, I’ve gotten accolades from many people who’s lives play out in a space that is geographically defined as an entire world away. My having achieved so much notoriety effectuated a need to write at a level that was unrecognizable to me. I felt more responsibility to write at a level at which others may have expected. To sit and write became more about pleasing past readers as opposed to writing for myself in the hope to draw in others. Today, I realized that I was not being true to myself and I should just write something simple to get my footing back and open the door to a spring of new thoughts and ideas. So, I jumped… here is where I landed.

I heard someone say recently (in passing), “people should exist as a transparent eye, allowing that which we see to pass through us as we take in the sights of our environment as they were”. They went on to say, “life is not like math and should not be complicated as such.” I thought to myself, “why are the two things mutually exclusive? We can allow the world around us to pass through us and be unaffected, but how would we truly consider our existing in that type of solitude as living? In the diaspora of life, there is so much that we must resign ourselves to. Understandably, that is one person’s perspective. It is only fitting that I highlight my own, if for none other than myself.

I am appreciative of the things that pass through me, resound with me, and reverberate from from pole to pole. A smile that is the result of the involuntary laughter of a baby, the sudden realization of beauty in a brand-new sunset, being found by the fragrant aroma of wisteria in a crowed and noisy outdoor venue, or the butterflies felt in the pit of your stomach as you speed faster and faster downhill in your newly washed car… with the sunroof opened and finally feeling weightless as you are rocketed to the hill’s crest. The feeling passes through you, leaving a familiar residue in an involuntary facial expression. You’re smiling and the fleeting moment is then captured in your mind’s eye with a final glance in the rear-view mirror.

One must also be appreciative of the things that are equality provocative, but not immediately welcomed. The devolution of a long time friendship through hastily spoken emotions, the final words spoken by a dying parent that ascends to the level of immortality and plays forever in your heart, or the loss of a long-time spouse due to misunderstandings that neither is equipped to make sense of, to finally save each other from equal amounts of ineptitude and regret. We live out our lives with a beating heart that sounds like all others, but upon closer inspection by the discerning, we find a thing that is bruised (black and blue), little bandages in the shape of the letter “X”, tattered gauze, and a sign out front that reads:

“Enter at Your Own Risk”.

I think it important to view life for what it is at its essence. In some cases, it is very much like math. Not the kind of math that is familiar to children, but the kind that is the language of physicists. Often life presents us with problems that bracket our everyday concerns. If we don’t attend to that which is bracketed, by solving the problems first denoted by parenthesis, the variables remain a mystery without any significant value. When things are presented to us as problems, the formulas are within each of our grasps, but arriving at a reasonable conclusion may take up a whole page in our lives (front and back). Often we fool ourselves into thinking, “I I don’t have time for that” by saying it OUT LOUD. The failure to understand the rules (a negative plus a negative can equal a positive) will impede any forward progress, because our way is blocked with random Xs and Ys that are associated with problems of the past that were given to us by people or environments having faces or landscapes we can no longer even recall.