Balance and Distortion

Loving you motivates me to seek the satisfaction that only “our” physical love can provide. Achieving satisfaction at that level is what sustains me from your dawning of your arrival to the dusk of your departure.

Failure to find and achieve the level of satisfaction that exists only within you, motivates me to seek “it” more often to quell the yearning within me.

The lack of maintenance, increases my motivation, lowers my satisfaction and results in emotional disequilibrium. From the depths of those feelings arises one constant truth… “I am less when I’m without you.”

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Reality Undermined By Perspective

Imagine a beautiful and capable woman who has the potential to achieve anything that she puts her mind to, crippled by her own illogical belief system and fueled by a continually narrowing perspective of her own worldview. In the beginning you want to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that you can change her views by showing her that you are not her past and your interests begin and end with knowing and loving her in the manner that would inspire best-seller romance novels. However, she spends all of her waking moments on “high-alert” waiting to uncover proof that you are not who you say you are. Your telephone rings and the name of a woman is illuminated on the screen of your resurrected iPhone that laid practically dead all night long. She fails to associate the likelihood of your professional responsibilities intersecting with her relentless need to nurture her own insecurities. That damning call is the impetus to launch an investigation that is justifiably without boundaries. Your belongings are searched, uncovered telephone numbers and business cards are steeped in gripping suspicion. Old condoms that she told you to buy become your undoing, her family and friends are notified that you are a cheater and cannot be trusted all before she even bothers to question you or confirm her suspicions.

The stage is set… one evening after work you call her to tell her that you are stopping off for drinks with co-workers and would be home in an hour. You are just few miles away and she knows your exact location. When you finally arrive home 45 minutes later than you originally predicted, you’re met with a tight-lipped greeting and every word after is dipped in boiling condescension and hurled in your direction in a sideways manner when you are least expecting it. You ride it out and rationalize to yourself, that maybe she just wanted to be included in your plans and she loves you, “that’s all”. However, little do you know, that the investigation is still underway and you have just inspired its second wind. The following week, you decide to stop at a different bar after being invited by coworkers that has over 300 different imported beers (stouts, lagers, ales, IPAs, pilsners, bocks and ambers, but you decide to just keep it to yourself. This place is a beer drinker’s heaven. You have a drink, share some laughs and post a few selfies on your favorite social network. It’s all harmless and safe to do, because your social network is private and she is not associated with your account.

You’re sitting at your desk in your office and get a text message accompanied by her familiar ringtone. You begin reading it and find that because, you did not tell her that you went to the bar and had a few drinks with friends, you are prone to hiding stuff and cannot be trusted. She has managed to get one of your connections to relay information about your social networking habits and now you are “Busted” in her mind. She gives you details of what you have posted as if to say, “Aha!!” The more she rambles the more your face gets contorted and the more she sounds unstable. The message goes on to tell you that you “obviously want to be single” and you have failed in the relationship, because you could have used your time at the bar to come home to take her out. Since that was not your initial reaction or purpose, she must not mean anything to you at all and she has now packed up her stuff and will be leaving in five minutes or less, because she has had enough. You find yourself staring at the phone and one recurring thought is passing through your mind…. “What the Hell”?!?!

Borderline Personality Disorder affects 2% of the world’s population and 97% of those persons affected are women. This disorder is not treatable through pharmacology and is brought on by biopsychosocial disruption that begins in childhood due to continued exposure to an invalidating environment. The failure of parents and caregivers to validate a child’s feelings, meet their emotional needs and nurture them appropriately results in a relentless desire to protect themselves from real or imagined harm/danger. Those that suffer from this disorder have an inordinate amount of real or imagined independence. To love a person with this disorder requires a great deal of energy, dedication and a loss of friendships, or personal relationships that do not include them. Over time, there can be a general loss of oneself unless the affected person seeks help. The disorder is manageable, but the affected person must first realize that there is a problem and assume a position of self-awareness and self-interest to overcome the problem through therapy.