The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory
This morning, I woke up early to sit outside and enjoy a cup of coffee before starting my day. I thought of the varied conversations that I’d had over recent weeks and categorically decided which I could participate in more and which could use less participation on my part. Immediately, I thought of the Ten Axioms of Choice Theory by Dr. W. Glasser or more specifically, the first five:
1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
2. All we can give another person is information.
3. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
5. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.
In considering this information along with the importance of self-awareness, it stands to reason that we should carefully attend to and be discerning about the information we share and that we receive from others. The information we share can contribute to psychological distress in the form of anxiety and ultimately depression. Also, in striving to be self-aware, it should also be understood, ALL all we have in any moment is NOW. We cannot control the manifestations of five minutes ago and those rapidly approaching five minutes from now are also determined by the three-hundred and sixty degrees of perspectives held by others in their aspirations to operate at the height of self-awareness. To honestly consider the immediate future in this manner, we should know that we haven’t any control over that either. Everything hinges on our knowing that we are directly and ultimately responsible for ourselves. Much can be fixed and/or avoided by simply embracing this fact.
…axiom number five, speaks for itself.
The unseen violence in asking for complete honestly, then getting it without the skill to process what you have been told is the poison that ultimately kills you. Essentially you have conspired against yourself by crediting yourself with something you’ve never had and asking for something you couldn’t handle. The only thing that remains is your loyalty to a cause that suggests that a ready-made perfect person is out there waiting for you in the form of a soulmate where neither you nor they have any need, inclination, or understanding to first work on yourselves.
…inspired by an obscure verse in a Hip-Hop track.
Spouses, romantic interests, children, friends, money, secret proclivities, and/or the desire to actualize are all salient features that propels us to the height of euphoria or conversely to the depths of the despair. We wake each day to start anew with the aspirations to do or be better than the reflection of self that we were the day before. Some of us actively consider ourselves from this point of view while others, are completely unware of this implicit desire to actually land on that elusive sweet spot. We have all been a party to that moment, when you take a deep breath, and swing with an inexplicable feeling of assuredness where all else falls away. Somewhere toward the end of the arc of travel, we forget everything and imagine our success in striking the intended target with a degree of precision, that forcefully summons up that sound that is welcomed by all… the sound of striking the “the sweet-spot”. When we attain it, all ears are unwittingly attuned to the recognition of that special frequency that propels them to cheer, celebrate, and/or applaud with an autonomous synchronicity that evokes the feeling of euphoria from the chief constituent of that moment. However, these moments in all their glory has an incidental or situational nemesis whose best intentions can be antithetical to your moment of truth.
We all have needs, desires, and the like that requires the involvement and/or perspective of others to bear fruit. However, in our quest for happiness, we overlook the things that require our attention out of habit, lack of knowledge, lack of experience, and/or personal bias. We all have things in our lives that drives us to achieve and wrap our hands around happiness for self and others. We tend to miss those things that require our attention, because our laser-focus results in our failing to readjust our priorities and an important cog in the machine falls out of alignment. Sometimes we see it happening and hope for the best, but other times we completely miss it, but in either case we find ourselves plummeting and in need of a renewed perspective. We are all vehicles on a superhighway rushing toward whatever we perceive is at the other end. We adjust the rearview mirror for the occasional glance. We take a considerable amount of time adjusting the side mirrors to ensure that we can change lanes when others are stopped ahead or failing to match our pace. We sometimes read the signs that say: falling rocks, insecurity, slippery-when-wet, heartbreak, 15 mph in the curve, broken-promises, bridge ices before road, and etcetera, but sometimes we find that the road ahead is wide-open and we become oblivious to the signs. We change lanes mechanically by checking the rearview and side mirrors. Then, out of nowhere, as fate would have it, we smash into another complacent traveler. In those moments, you realize that the whole thing could have been avoided if you had only taken a moment to glance over your shoulder and briefly look for the person or thing that was traveling smoothly and aspirationally right along with you in your “blind spot”.
Here it is once again that I find myself having not written anything that I’ve found personally meaningful in what can only be characterized as being a really long time. However, today, I find a thought churning in my mind. This thought is churning and building gale force winds that is shaking and loosening things that were battened down and settled in my brain long ago.
I hear people speak of what is right and wrong and how they battle with what they want and need in relation to what others want and need. The battle rages and the casualties are piling so high, it’s difficult to see where you came from, or where you’re going. The battle rages on and is threatening to become a full scale war. The left and the right are in permanent opposition and there you are in the space between the two. You run, dodge, duck, and sometimes hide in an effort to reduce the chances of you, yourself becoming a casualty of your own environment.
The perils that exist at one end of the spectrum versus the other can erode your patience, your hope, and leave you feeling that all is lost. Then out of the cloudy gray sky a single ray of sunshine breaks through, carried upon the words of another, reminding you of what you should have realized for yourself. There is a way to calm your tumultuous existence by honoring the variables that lie about. You’re reminded to use the variables to solve the problems for “X” and live happily ever after in “The Space Between”.
My name parts, caresses her lips in a way that feels like a kiss upon her own mouth
Pursuing words originate in a place, neighboring secrets unfamiliar to the light of day
A beckoning finger awakens passions, sparks a flame that was but a smoldering idea
Erratic breaths carry sounds of a whimper with aspirations of becoming a scream
Her sobriquet too, is whispered, then dipped back into her sweet weeping expression
Our lips, firmly pressed together, my thoughts shrouded in her strawberry bouquet
Nearing the crescendo and at the height of her barely upright and trembling posture…
Again, I hear her… whispering my name, but in a way unlike she has ever done before
…to be continued
Sometimes its strikes me as odd to think of the chaos that exists in the mind(s) of us all as we mentally scurry around the landscape of political correctness in an effort to ward off indictments by others for the in the commission of thought crimes. You can feel however you wish to feel, you can support anyone’s point of view, you can like any music you wish, you can love anyone you want, you can be supportive of any political party, just as long as you keep it well-hidden or dressed for others unquestioning consumption. If you choose to display any affinity for any particular thing, then it must be in direct support of the immediate environment and sustained by its present company. Unless, you are willing to run the risk of being labeled in a manner in which serves no further purpose other than to make those around you more comfortable. Occasionally, in this environment we have flashes of sanity, but we refuse to expose the discovery of ourselves in that perfect moment for fear of interpersonal conflict hedged by a political agenda or the need to appear open-minded. How dare you find your completeness in the midst of the daily chaos WE so affectionately claim as normal everyday life. It is in these moments of clarity that your true sense of self begins its dissension down the birth canal with the sole desire to simply always BE. There are those that live among us, that develop contingencies to suppress true individual expression and will stop at nothing to covertly or overtly (if necessary) usher you back into submission and force you to reflect the ways of the collective back upon them just as the sun displaces the darkness of the moon in the night sky. If you leave the fold or stand on your own, their fool heartiness will be rendered into darkness… and soon quiet obscurity. However, and unfortunately our sane and creative self is not likely to reveal itself so easily in the future… at least not with the same flair. Then… before you know it… you’ve fallen either a victim or volunteer, living as a resident in the prison for the wandering, the loss, and the subservient that was created for you by them… the constructionist… the politically correct… The sleeping.
She crushed a heart with her hands for reasons that were her’s alone, pointed with blood stained fingers and said, YOU brought this on yourself.
…To Be Continued