Ten Axioms of Choice Theory

The Ten Axioms of Choice Theory

This morning, I woke up early to sit outside and enjoy a cup of coffee before starting my day. I thought of the varied conversations that I’d had over recent weeks and categorically decided which I could participate in more and which could use less participation on my part. Immediately, I thought of the Ten Axioms of Choice Theory by Dr. W. Glasser or more specifically, the first five:

1. The only person whose behavior we can control is our own.
2. All we can give another person is information.
3. All long-lasting psychological problems are relationship problems.
4. The problem relationship is always part of our present life.
5. What happened in the past has everything to do with what we are today, but we can only satisfy our basic needs right now and plan to continue satisfying them in the future.

In considering this information along with the importance of self-awareness, it stands to reason that we should carefully attend to and be discerning about the information we share and that we receive from others. The information we share can contribute to psychological distress in the form of anxiety and ultimately depression. Also, in striving to be self-aware, it should also be understood, ALL all we have in any moment is NOW. We cannot control the manifestations of five minutes ago and those rapidly approaching five minutes from now are also determined by the three-hundred and sixty degrees of perspectives held by others in their aspirations to operate at the height of self-awareness. To honestly consider the immediate future in this manner, we should know that we haven’t any control over that either. Everything hinges on our knowing that we are directly and ultimately responsible for ourselves. Much can be fixed and/or avoided by simply embracing this fact.

…axiom number five, speaks for itself.


Daring to be 100% Honest

‪The unseen violence in asking for complete honestly, then getting it without the skill to process what you have been told is the poison that ultimately kills you.‬ Essentially you have conspired against yourself by crediting yourself with something you’ve never had and asking for something you couldn’t handle. The only thing that remains is your loyalty to a cause that suggests that a ready-made perfect person is out there waiting for you in the form of a soulmate where neither you nor they have any need, inclination, or understanding to first work on yourselves. 

…inspired by an obscure verse in a Hip-Hop track. 

Glances from Over the Shoulder

Sideview Mirror

Spouses, romantic interests, children, friends, money, secret proclivities, and/or the desire to actualize are all salient features that propels us to the height of euphoria or conversely to the depths of the despair. We wake each day to start anew with the aspirations to do or be better than the reflection of self that we were the day before. Some of us actively consider ourselves from this point of view while others, are completely unware of this implicit desire to actually land on that elusive sweet spot. We have all been a party to that moment, when you take a deep breath, and swing with an inexplicable feeling of assuredness where all else falls away.  Somewhere toward the end of the arc of travel, we forget everything and imagine our success in striking the intended target with a degree of precision, that forcefully summons up that sound that is welcomed by all…  the sound of striking the “the sweet-spot”. When we attain it, all ears are unwittingly attuned to the recognition of that special frequency that propels them to cheer, celebrate, and/or applaud with an autonomous synchronicity that evokes the feeling of euphoria from the chief constituent of that moment. However, these moments in all their glory has an incidental or situational nemesis whose best intentions can be antithetical to your moment of truth.

We all have needs, desires, and the like that requires the involvement and/or perspective of others to bear fruit. However, in our quest for happiness, we overlook the things that require our attention out of habit, lack of knowledge, lack of experience, and/or personal bias. We all have things in our lives that drives us to achieve and wrap our hands around happiness for self and others. We tend to miss those things that require our attention, because our laser-focus results in our failing to readjust our priorities and an important cog in the machine falls out of alignment. Sometimes we see it happening and hope for the best, but other times we completely miss it, but in either case we find ourselves plummeting and in need of a renewed perspective. We are all vehicles on a superhighway rushing toward whatever we perceive is at the other end. We adjust the rearview mirror for the occasional glance. We take a considerable amount of time adjusting the side mirrors to ensure that we can change lanes when others are stopped ahead or failing to match our pace. We sometimes read the signs that say: falling rocks, insecurity, slippery-when-wet, heartbreak, 15 mph in the curve, broken-promises, bridge ices before road, and etcetera, but sometimes we find that the road ahead is wide-open and we become oblivious to the signs. We change lanes mechanically by checking the rearview and side mirrors.  Then, out of nowhere, as fate would have it, we smash into another complacent traveler. In those moments, you realize that the whole thing could have been avoided if you had only taken a moment to glance over your shoulder and briefly look for the person or thing that was traveling smoothly and aspirationally right along with you in your “blind spot”.

~Zenandtruth #Heavys_joint

The Space In Between

Here it is once again that I find myself having not written anything that I’ve found personally meaningful in what can only be characterized as being a really long time. However, today, I find a thought churning in my mind. This thought is churning and building gale force winds that is shaking and loosening things that were battened down and settled in my brain long ago. 
I hear people speak of what is right and wrong and how they battle with what they want and need in relation to what others want and need. The battle rages and the casualties are piling so high, it’s difficult to see where you came from, or where you’re going. The battle rages on and is threatening to become a full scale war. The left and the right are in permanent opposition and there you are in the space between the two. You run, dodge, duck, and sometimes hide in an effort to reduce the chances of you, yourself becoming a casualty of your own environment. 

The perils that exist at one end of the spectrum versus the other can erode your patience, your hope, and leave you feeling that all is lost. Then out of the cloudy gray sky a single ray of sunshine breaks through, carried upon the words of another, reminding you of what you should have realized for yourself. There is a way to calm your tumultuous existence by honoring the variables that lie about. You’re reminded to use the variables to solve the problems for “X” and live happily ever after in “The Space Between”. 

Weeping Expressions

My name parts, caresses her lips in a way that feels like a kiss upon her own mouth

Pursuing words originate in a place, neighboring secrets unfamiliar to the light of day

A beckoning finger awakens passions, sparks a flame that was but a smoldering idea

Erratic breaths carry sounds of a whimper with aspirations of becoming a scream

Her sobriquet too, is whispered, then dipped back into her sweet weeping expression

Our lips, firmly pressed together, my thoughts shrouded in her strawberry bouquet

Nearing the crescendo and at the height of her barely upright and trembling posture…

Again, I hear her… whispering my name, but in a way unlike she has ever done before

…to be continued

The Real You… Please Stand Up! “Red Pill Philosophies (8-13-15)


Sometimes its strikes me as odd to think of the chaos that exists in the mind(s) of us all as we mentally scurry around the landscape of political correctness in an effort to ward off indictments by others for the in the commission of thought crimes. You can feel however you wish to feel, you can support anyone’s point of view, you can like any music you wish, you can love anyone you want, you can be supportive of any political party, just as long as you keep it well-hidden or dressed for others unquestioning consumption. If you choose to display any affinity for any particular thing, then it must be in direct support of the immediate environment and sustained by its present company. Unless, you are willing to run the risk of being labeled in a manner in which serves no further purpose other than to make those around you more comfortable. Occasionally, in this environment we have flashes of sanity, but we refuse to expose the discovery of ourselves in that perfect moment for fear of interpersonal conflict hedged by a political agenda or the need to appear open-minded. How dare you find your completeness in the midst of the daily chaos WE so affectionately claim as normal everyday life. It is in these moments of clarity that your true sense of self begins its dissension down the birth canal with the sole desire to simply always BE. There are those that live among us, that develop contingencies to suppress true individual expression and will stop at nothing to covertly or overtly (if necessary) usher you back into submission and force you to reflect the ways of the collective back upon them just as the sun displaces the darkness of the moon in the night sky. If you leave the fold or stand on your own, their fool heartiness will be rendered into darkness… and soon quiet obscurity. However, and unfortunately our sane and creative self is not likely to reveal itself so easily in the future… at least not with the same flair. Then… before you know it… you’ve fallen either a victim or volunteer, living as a resident in the prison for the wandering, the loss, and the subservient that was created for you by them… the constructionist… the politically correct… The sleeping.


We have all shattered a glass before, but just because your experiences sound like mine …doesn’t adequately prepare you to understand the size, shape, and location of all the hidden and broken pieces that will unsuspectingly hide in the darkness to potentially assail against either of us when it is least expected. 

It’s human nature to be distracted by the facets (people/situations) that are the shiny surfaces that we bestow our trust. We tend to get so comfortable in what seems familiar, we find ourselves giving leave to our shoes and walking around in our bare-feet. It is then that we feel betrayed by our own perceptions, as we scream out in pain from the shard of glass that just pierced our tender flesh. Then there YOU are, telling me that you know just how I feel. 


The Enigmatic Life of X’s and Y’s


It’s been a while since I’ve written. I’ve put it off because, I wanted my words to be significant. In the past few months, I’ve gotten accolades from many people who’s lives play out in a space that is geographically defined as an entire world away. My having achieved so much notoriety effectuated a need to write at a level that was unrecognizable to me. I felt more responsibility to write at a level at which others may have expected. To sit and write became more about pleasing past readers as opposed to writing for myself in the hope to draw in others. Today, I realized that I was not being true to myself and I should just write something simple to get my footing back and open the door to a spring of new thoughts and ideas. So, I jumped… here is where I landed.

I heard someone say recently (in passing), “people should exist as a transparent eye, allowing that which we see to pass through us as we take in the sights of our environment as they were”. They went on to say, “life is not like math and should not be complicated as such.” I thought to myself, “why are the two things mutually exclusive? We can allow the world around us to pass through us and be unaffected, but how would we truly consider our existing in that type of solitude as living? In the diaspora of life, there is so much that we must resign ourselves to. Understandably, that is one person’s perspective. It is only fitting that I highlight my own, if for none other than myself.

I am appreciative of the things that pass through me, resound with me, and reverberate from from pole to pole. A smile that is the result of the involuntary laughter of a baby, the sudden realization of beauty in a brand-new sunset, being found by the fragrant aroma of wisteria in a crowed and noisy outdoor venue, or the butterflies felt in the pit of your stomach as you speed faster and faster downhill in your newly washed car… with the sunroof opened and finally feeling weightless as you are rocketed to the hill’s crest. The feeling passes through you, leaving a familiar residue in an involuntary facial expression. You’re smiling and the fleeting moment is then captured in your mind’s eye with a final glance in the rear-view mirror.

One must also be appreciative of the things that are equality provocative, but not immediately welcomed. The devolution of a long time friendship through hastily spoken emotions, the final words spoken by a dying parent that ascends to the level of immortality and plays forever in your heart, or the loss of a long-time spouse due to misunderstandings that neither is equipped to make sense of, to finally save each other from equal amounts of ineptitude and regret. We live out our lives with a beating heart that sounds like all others, but upon closer inspection by the discerning, we find a thing that is bruised (black and blue), little bandages in the shape of the letter “X”, tattered gauze, and a sign out front that reads:

“Enter at Your Own Risk”.

I think it important to view life for what it is at its essence. In some cases, it is very much like math. Not the kind of math that is familiar to children, but the kind that is the language of physicists. Often life presents us with problems that bracket our everyday concerns. If we don’t attend to that which is bracketed, by solving the problems first denoted by parenthesis, the variables remain a mystery without any significant value. When things are presented to us as problems, the formulas are within each of our grasps, but arriving at a reasonable conclusion may take up a whole page in our lives (front and back). Often we fool ourselves into thinking, “I I don’t have time for that” by saying it OUT LOUD. The failure to understand the rules (a negative plus a negative can equal a positive) will impede any forward progress, because our way is blocked with random Xs and Ys that are associated with problems of the past that were given to us by people or environments having faces or landscapes we can no longer even recall.

Wisdom Usurped by Values, Red Pill Philosophies (3-6-15)

Having strong value systems allows us to develop a personal and meaningful existence that we can find comfort in. However, the failure to develop a sense of open-mindedness necessitates the creation of an army of little demons or your very own personal devil to battle. Whether your values are informed by what your parents told you, the word of law and/or the Ten Commandments, you are prone to the creation of adversaries. Each individual is a victim of their perceptions and at the mercy of what they can manage to assimilate into their understanding. Knowledge bows to wisdom in the full acceptance of this truth.